Rhapsody Quest

It’s raining again

But I just realized that means the rainbows will come

I kept thinking I had all the answers

And things would be OK if I could just fit all the pieces together

I see now that the only way to measure life

Is in the moments that you feel most alive

And balance that with the quiet moments you learn to breathe through

There is no tower to climb or goal to reach

The present really is a present

I wake up and put one foot in front of the other

With purpose not trepidation

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life

But really when have I ever

This journey I’m on has been full of blood, sweat, and tears

But it’s also been full of laughter, wonder, and humbleness

I can go out and dance in this rain

Or watch it wash the world clean from my window

Either way I can’t wait for the rainbows to come

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed—-and gazed—-but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

I am so frustrated about this whole “job application” process! I just had a site request the last 10 YEARS of my work history!! You haven’t even agreed to interview me and you want that kind of info? And they want full on contact information from each and every single job! I worked in retail for 5 of those 10 years do you really think that A) my same management team is still there and B) i would even remember their names?!!?!?!  

I know this is just a patience and diligence game but I needed to vent because it can be so utterly defeating and demoralizing to go through this process. To have to prove that you are more than capable to do a job repeatedly without hearing so much as a peep as to why they don’t chose you. 

I have made some poor job decisions in the last couple of years that I don’t regret because I learned from them, but they have definitely thrown me off track. I know it sounds crazy but I actually like being a work-a-holic and I am really ready to get back to the hustle and bustle. At the same time I don’t want this to be another temporary opportunity. I want to find a company that not only inspires me to invest all that I have into them but also in turn invest in me. Does that make sense? 

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that I know eventually it will all work out. I just have to repeat it like a mantra in my head. I know that somehow I will find the right place to live and work and I will get to where I want in my career. Faith is the name of this game!

I was unpacking some old boxes today and I found this poem in one of my old notebooks…

September 2^nd, 2003

Hourglass

10 minutes ago I was playing on the monkey bars, hanging upside down and licking my ice cream while I laughed into the face of the sun

10 minutes ago I was building forts in my living room, dreaming of the day when someone would come to save me

10 minutes ago I was sitting on a rock cliff and staring out onto the ocean, my hopes waning with the sunlight, but my faith strengthening with each twinkling star that appears

5 minutes from now I will once again doubt myself just because someone else doubts me

5 minutes from now something will completely destroy my world and I will no longer want to live

5 minutes from now I will wish I was different to make others love me

But now….RIGHT NOW…. I know who I am and what I stand for, and that nothing can change me without my consent.

So regardless of past or future I am me, and always will be